Breaking Knees

1994 was the year the Olympics turned into a bad episode of Cops. The cast of characters: Nancy Kerrigan (the beautiful ice princess), Tonya Harding (her jealous rival), Jeff Gillooly (her stupid ex-husband), and Shawn Eckardt (the guy they hired to break Nancy's leg).


This was one of the biggest stories of 1994. Despite the controversy, Tonya was allowed to participate in the Olympics. Unfortunately for her, she had problems with her laces and didn't finish in the top five. Nancy Kerrigan didn't win the gold either--Oksana Baiul did. Nancy won the silver, and because she wasn't gracious on the medal stand, America turned on her too.

That's what the Olympic spirit is all about.

U-S-A. U-S-A.

As you might imagine, we had a lot of fun with this story on the John Landecker Show. We actually did two songs about it, one of which is copied below. I distinctly remember writing the lyrics to this song on my way to Virginia (for my Goddaughter Sarah's christening).

This song is available on "Landecker & the Legends, Volume 1" (the first of our six CDs). It's to the tune of "Breaking up is hard to do" by Neil Sedaka.

“Breaking Knees is hard to do”
(Landecker/Kaempfer)

Knock her, Knock her, Down Doobie Do Down Down,
Knock her, Knock her, Down Doobie Do Down Down,
Knock her, Knock her, Down Doobie Do Down Down,
Breaking Knees is hard to do,

“Don’t take my Gold, away from me”
So her man said “Let’s break Nancy’s Knee”,
They hired someone her ex-husband knew,
Cause breakin knees is hard to do,

We won’t get caught, her ex-husband said,
She forgot he was a knucklehead,
Before she knew it, she was through,
Cause breakin knees is wrong to do,

They say that breakin knees is, wrong to do,
Though it depends on, your point of view,
Nancy’s, chances must end,
Get a few thousand and hire your knucklehead ex-husband’s friend,

They say Tonya, isn’t typical,
Of other figure skating queens we know,
Smoking cigarettes, getting tattoos,
And breaking knees a time or two

They say that breaking knees is, wrong to do,
But Tonya wants, a medal too,
Nancy's, already won bronze,
That’s why the ugly duckling wants to break the knees of all the swans

This song was a major part of early Landecker & The Legends shows. We actually brought along a paper-mache pinata leg (wearing an ice-skate), and allowed the fans to take turns whacking it. Inside the leg? Gold-medal shaped chocolates.