Bobbitt Flashback

PG WARNING: The content of this post could be offensive to the easily offended...If you are easily offended, please don't read it.



If you weren't living in a cave in 1993 and 1994, you remember the story of John Wayne Bobbitt well. His wife severed his manhood, and she threw it in a field somewhere.

The police found it, and it was reattached.

I was the producer of John Landecker's show when this story broke, and because of the popular song John and I wrote about it, the publisher of Chicago Advertising and Media magazine (a magazine I wrote for before joining the radio show) asked me to write a story about the Bobbitt material being done in Chicago.

The following is my published report from 1994.

A “Slice” of Modern Radio Life

It was a case that swept the nation. Just say the word “Bobbitt” and you are bound to get an immediate reaction. Everybody has an opinion about the case, and everybody was talking about it.

Every respectable television news anchor on every network and local station had to say the word “penis” on the air every night for virtually six months. Every comedian in the country has a “Bobbitt-hunk”. I followed the late night TV talk shows for six weeks, and David Letterman and Jay Leno did Bobbitt jokes nearly every night. Leno skipped the topic seven times in six weeks. Letterman skipped it four times.

The Bobbitts may have also single-handedly changed the face of radio. Subjects that no one dared discuss in the pre-Bobbitt days, were commonplace in the “Bobbitt-era” on virtually every morning radio show in Chicago. I decided to call them up and get their best “Bobbitt-material”. Nine morning shows responded to my call.

WBBM-FM (B-96) Eddie & JoBo
One liners were a regular part of the Eddie and JoBo program. They offered up their favorite Bobbitt-joke to me: “What’s the difference between Bob Barker and Lorena Bobbitt? Barker is a slick pricer.....”

WJMK-FM (Oldies 104.3) John Landecker
(FULL DISCLOSURE: I am the producer of this show)
Landecker also offered up a slew of one-liners. “Did you hear that John Bobbitt is legally changing his name....to Les Johnson?” “Now that the Bobbitts are legally divorced, John is once again unattached”. Landecker’s “Bobbitt Song” was also the #1 request item at the station. To the tune of “If you wanna be happy” by Jimmy Soul, the chorus of his song goes like this: “If you wanna make Lorena Bobbitt your wife, you better hide the butcher knife. John Wayne Bobbitt found out that’s true, when she woke him cutting off his wazoo.” He also incorporated a series of “Bobbitt-party games” into his live stage show; “Bobbitt-ing for Wieners”, “The Bobbitt-Wiener Toss”, and “Pin the Bobbitt on the Bobbitt”.

WLS-AM/FM (Talk Radio) Don & Roma Wade
Don & Roma, for the most part, gave it the talk-radio treatment. They spoke daily to Court-TV reporter Christian Jennette Meyers. She gave them updates live from Manassas. Of course, they didn’t stay away from the comedy treatment of the issue. Don predicted “She’s gonna get off”, to which Roma replied “That’s more than he can do”.

WLUP-FM (The Loop) Kevin Matthews
Matthews gave the subject his conceptual comedic touch. He referred to Bobbitt’s reattached organ as “Frankenpenis”, implying that they had mistakenly attached the wrong penis. He created elaborate “Frankenstein-like” situations for Bobbitt.

WMVP-AM (Sports-1000) Steve Dahl
Naturally, it comes as no surprise that Dahl covered the Bobbitt experience. He played audio clips of virtually every news anchor and reporter saying the word “penis”. Dan Rather, John Drury, Connie Chung, Jay Levine, Lester Holt, Warner Saunders, Deborah Norville, Penny Daniels, Robin Robinson, and Bill Kurtis were all featured. He also composed an original “Bobbitt-song”. The funniest line of the song is “I just wanna be your hubby, so don’t call me stubby.”

WPNT-FM (FM 100) Steve Cochran
Cochran came to town just in time for the Lorena Bobbitt trial. One day, he asked listeners to come up with alternative words for “penis”. The newsman on his show would then use that word. He spent one day using the word “woodchuck”. He also had a news reporter calling in from the trial, Dora Hasen. She told the show about the various different T-shirts being hawked, and the “hot dog”specials at the local restaurants. The “Bobbitts” were also discussed in the pre-Cochran era. Before Cochran arrived, the FM-100 morning show spent an entire day composing Bobbitt limericks in honor of Mike Royko’s column.

WTMX-FM (101.9) Brant Miller
Miller and his program director Barry James both felt that the issue was a little too touchy to be handled in a comedic way. They intentionally stayed away from it.

WUSN-FM (US-99) JD & The Katman.
John “The Katman” Katzbeck put together a little parody song in honor of the Bobbitts. It was called “Lorena’s eyes” and was to the tune of “Alibis” by Tracy Lawrence. The chorus went like this: “Lorena’s eyes and alibis, Hide the steak knives. Lord knows she threw it out the windows to the birds, don’t worry she’s getting severence pay.” The song also includes little fake commercials for both Lorena and John. Lorena hawks the “Vegomatic”, and John does a spiel for American Express...”Don’t leave home without it”.

WXRT-FM (93.1) Lin Brehmer
Brehmer called me up to tell me he didn’t do any Bobbitt jokes. “Unless I make them up on the spot, I really don’t have any. I guess I didn’t have my finger on the pulse of the community.”

Don’t worry, Lin. If the public wanted Bobbitt jokes, they didn’t have a hard time finding them.

The song we wrote was a staple of our live shows for years. Here are the lyrics to the tune of "If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life," an oldie by Jimmy Soul. The late Chicago Tribune Pulitzer Prize Columnist Mike Royko, who spent weeks publishing Bobbitt limericks, pulled me aside at a party at his friend Tim Weigel's house to tell me that he thought this was brilliant. Granted, he had a glass of gin in his hand at the time, but I'll always remember that moment.

"If you wanna make Lorena Bobbit your wife"




By John Landecker & Rick Kaempfer




If you wanna make Lorena Bobbit your wife,
Just make sure you hide the butcher knife,
John Wayne Bobbit found out that's true,
When she woke him cutting off his wazoo,

Lorena said John wasn't treating her well,
So he wound up in a prison cell,
When he got acquited Lorena scoffed,
"That's the last time that he gets off"

It's a story we all have heard,
The controversy that it has stirred,
The story of their marital strife,
That ended gruesomely with a knife,
She just sliced off his manhood,
And then she tossed it in the woods,
They say the grass there did go grow greener,
Fertilized by his sliced off wiener,

If you wanna make Lorena Bobbit your wife,
Just make sure you hide the butcher knife,
John Wayne Bobbit found out that's true,
When she woke him cutting off his wazoo,

(INST-BRIDGE)

We know how it will end of course,
The Bobbits will wind up divorced,
Their problems simply cannot be patched,
And John is once again unattached,

If you wanna make Lorena Bobbit your wife,
Just make sure you hide the butcher knife,
John Wayne Bobbit found out that's true,
When she woke him cutting off his wazzoo,

(INST & Talking)

Lorena said John wasn't treating her well,
So he wound up in a prison cell,
When he got acquited Lorena scoffed,
"That's the last time that he gets off",
If you wanna make Lorena Bobbit your wife,
You better limit your marital strife,
She really knows how to wield that blade,
Every night you'll go to sleep afraid,
If you wanna make Lorena Bobbit your wife,
You better hide your butcher knife,
John Wayne Bobbit found out that's true,
When she woke him cutting off his wazoo.
(fades)

This song is available on Landecker and the Legends, Volume 1.