5 Questions with Swanson & Kaempfer

Bill Zwecker, a columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times, was nice enough to write a piece about us when we put out "The Radio Producer's Handbook." This article appeared in the Chicago Sun Times on November 1, 2004.




"5 Questions with Swanson & Kaempfer"
By Bill Zwecker
Sun-Times Columnist


Veteran Chicago radio producers Rick Kaempfer and John Swanson have spent the past two decades learning the inside scoop on how to make good radio--or at least successful radio--as the unseen (and mostly unheard) creative minds behind such phenoms as Steve Dahl & Garry Meier, Kevin Matthews, Eric & Kathy, Jonathon Brandmeier, and John Records Landecker.

Now the two have have joined forces to pen "The Radio Producer's Handbook," and last week they shared some insights with me.

Q: You've worked for some of the biggest names in Chicago radio. When I throw out their names, describe them in a word or short phrase.

A: John Landecker? (Answer: Kaempfer: "Energy"). Jonathon Brandmeier? (Answer: Swanson: "Energy on Red Bull"). Eric & Kathy? (Answer: Swanson: "Dynamic Duo"). Steve Cochran? (Answer: Swanson: "Great interviewer. Always knows his stuff."). Steve Dahl? (Answer: Kaempfer: "True natural for radio. A total original.")

Q: Name something you could not believe was happening to you.

A: (Swanson): For me that's an easy one--meeting Paul McCartney. The moment before he walked up and I knew I was going to meet him a the House of Blues in Los Angeles, I actually did pinch myself--knowing this was a big moment. (Kaempfer) "We're both Beatles fans--when I met Ringo, that was same for me. I can remember every word of that conversation. Also for me, as a writer--meeting Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner."

Q: Who was a better guest than you ever expected?

A: (Kaempfer) Two of the biggest comedy punch lines of the 80s and 90s were Barry Manilow and Dan Quayle--and yet, when I reluctantly had to book them--they both turned out to be fantastic.

Q: Any heroes who disappointed?

A: (Swanson) Yes. Harrison Ford and Christopher Guest. Harrison was on for "The Widowmaker" and he obviously was not happy about that movie. It was all one-word answers. As for Christopher Guest, I was so looking forward to him--I love all his movies. I was looking for him to say something funny--anything! He gave us nothing!

Q: Who was the most arrogant guest you ever had?

A: (Kaempfer) Larry King. He just walked in, handed me his coat, and said "Cream, No Sugar." before he even said hello.

The Jay Leno Controversy

What were you doing June of 1994?

You were probably talking about O.J. Simpson.

The infamous White Bronco highway chase occured then, and for better or worse, the country talked about virtually nothing else for the next two years.

We were no different at the John Landecker show. In fact, the way we handled the OJ trial was probably responsible for our rise to the top 5 in the ratings. We had no fewer than five parody songs about the subject, and it became a big part of the Landecker and the Legends stage show. John would perform these songs flanked by two "dancers" (Vince Argento and Me--that's us in the picture) dressed like Judge Lance Ito.

When Jay Leno did the Tonight Show in Chicago for a week, we sent his show a tape of our first OJ song (a parody of YMCA--called "YDNA"), along with a description of our Dancing Itos. We thought he might find it funny and use it on the air. Well, imagine our surprise when his version of the Dancing Itos emerged--dancing to a parody of YMCA. Their song was called "OJLA".

John and I tried to convince ourselves that it was a coincidence. After all, they didn't mention us or the show--so they must have come up with it themselves, right? Our listeners, however, wouldn't hear of it. They flooded our phone lines the next morning, outraged at the theft.

That led John to write the following letter to Jay Leno.

April 11, 1995

Jay Leno
NBC-TV

Dear Jay,

Early last week, I overnighted a package to you that contained a parody of The Village People’s “YMCA” called “Why DNA?” I’ve been playing this parody for a while now, and it is by far the most asked for song on our station. I also enclosed a lyric sheet and a letter.

In the letter, I explained that I had been using the Dancing Ito’s on stage since January. Although I didn’t ask for it, I fantasized that you would mention my program, play the song, the nation would love it, my ratings would go up and my contract would be renewed!!

Cut to last Thursday night. I’m watching NBC prime time, and Bingo! a Tonight Show promo hits the air. It’s some sort of Ito/Village People/O.J.L.A. thing! I can’t believe it!!

I got on the air Friday morning at 5:30 am. The first call comes in... “John, did you see Jay Leno last night?” For the next 4½ hours, it was pretty much non-stop on the fax machine and the telephone. Did the Tonight Show take our idea? Why didn’t Jay mention you? and on and on.

I said on the air, in my opinion, you didn’t even see the package that I sent. Some writer grabbed it and used it, or maybe it was just a coincidence.

At any rate, I’m still a desperate radio personality pleading for plugs. Can I get a) a mention, b) an appearance, c) an interview d) all of the above, or should I just go f**k myself?

Say, did I ever tell you I really like motorcycles?

Love and kisses, your pen pal,

John Records Landecker
Oldies 104.3 WJMK

P.S. You can reach me or my producer, Rick Kaempfer, until 1pm Chicago time at (312) 977-1800, or after 1pm, my home number is (312) 944-9674.

(Those numbers aren't good anymore--don't bother calling them.)


Well, a strange thing happened after they received our letter. I was taking a nap at home after the show one day, and Bridget came in to wake me up.

"Jay Leno's on the phone," she said.

"Shut up."

"No seriously," she said--holding the phone up. "He's on the phone right now."

It was him. The station had given him my home phone number. In the call he told me how they had been flooded with complaints and he swore that he hadn't even opened our package--that they have a policy against it.

I told him that I believed him, but our listeners didn't. Would he agree to come on the show to talk to John and answer all of our questions? To his credit, he agreed.

The next morning we had a ten minute interview with Jay. He said that he would never steal an idea--especially from someone who could publicly bust him for it. He said it was just a coincidence--that this sort of thing happens all the time. People looking at the same stories come up with the same jokes. He would much rather pay someone a few hundred or thousand bucks for a great idea, than deal with the hassle.

I thought he was pretty convincing. Our listeners didn't. Our families and friends didn't. Eleven years later...I'm still not sure.

Many give the Dancing Itos and the way Leno handled the OJ trial credit for his surge past David Letterman in the ratings. Letterman has never come close to beating him since. The John Landecker show also rode a wave of popularity for several years. We had a good run.

To tell you the truth, it doesn't even matter to me anymore if he stole it or not.

It's a fun story to tell.

With a little help from depends

There was quite a bit of publicity when Paul McCartney celebrated his 64th birthday a few years ago. He wrote the song "When I'm 64" for the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper album in 1967, and for some reason, none of us ever thought that day would come.

Even though he was looking very young well into his fifties, however, Paul is finally starting to look his age a little bit. He appeared on the cover of a recent AARP Magazine (don't ask how I know), and whoa...


Of course, that wasn't really the first scary Beatles age marker. That probably occured in 2000, when Ringo Starr turned 60 years old. It certainly freaked us out at the John Records Landecker show. It inspired the following song to the tune of "With a Little Help from My Friends". I don't believe we ever performed it live, but it did appear on the 5th Landecker & The Legends CD.

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM DEPENDS
(Landecker/Kaempfer)








What would you think if I told you how old,
Ringo is turning this year,
He's 60 years old and before you get worried,
I'll try to allay all your fears,
Ringo stays dry with a little help from Depends,
Yes he keeps dry with a little help from Depends,
His Beatle bum is still dry with Depends

For many years now ol' Ringo's been gray,
(Grecian Formula's well stocked at home)
The hair that he has is in a ponytail,
(And it's swirled to cover up his chrome dome)
But he stays dry with a little help from Depends,
He's a dry guy with a little help from Depends,
His Beatle bum is still dry with Depends.

(He don't need any money)
He's got money to burn
(He just wants his old body)
His digestive system is a concern

(How many times does he wake every night?)
I'm afraid it happens all the time
(I heard that he stays in his bed through the night)
His Depends are the no-leaking kind

So he stays dry with a little help from Depends,
He's a dry guy with a little help from Depends,
His Beatle bum is still dry with Depends

Thank you Mary Ann Childers

I would like to take this opportunity to thank someone who often comes to mind when I think of my own father, especially on Father's Day: Mary Ann Childers.





Why do I think of the local Chicago news anchor when I think of my Dad?


It's a very odd story. I was the producer of the Steve and Garry show on WLUP, and we did a very special Christmas show one year--a full reading of the stage version of "A Christmas Carol" starring many local celebrities.

Among the celebrities present that day: Mary Ann Childers.

I don't remember what part Mary Ann played, but I remember that I cornered her backstage and asked her to do me a big favor. I told her that my father had a thing for her. He didn't say it was time to watch the news--he said it was time to watch Mary Ann. I asked if she would mind sending me an autographed picture of herself for Dad.

She seemed very flattered, but I really didn't expect her to do it. I figured she was a busy person and this was such a low priority that she probably wouldn't get around to it. That's probably why I was blown away when she sent me her promo picture with a personal note to my Dad saying... "It was a pleasure working with your son, Rick." The picture itself says "To Eckhard--Warmest Wishes for Christmas 1988. Mary Ann Childers."

I'll never forget how excited Dad was when he opened my present to him on Christmas Eve that year. I captured it on film...




















Dad died six months later at the age of 54.

After he died I went to his office to clean out his things, and there she was, right in the middle of his desk: Mary Ann Childers. His co-workers told me that he joked with them about this picture all the time, saying that Mary Ann was his secret girlfriend.


Next Sunday is Father's Day. It's always a rough weekend for me. For the first twenty five years of my life, Father's Day weekend was a tribute to Dad. (And not just because it was Father's Day--it was his birthday too.) So, even now--seventeen years later, I struggle to enjoy Father's Day. I can't help thinking of Dad--and how much I miss him.

That's where Mary Ann Childers helps out.

When I don't want my sadness to ruin Father's Day for my kids, all I have to do is think of Mary Ann Childers. I remember how excited Dad was to get this picture from his "girlfriend," and it never fails to bring a smile to my face.

I've seen Mary Ann Childers a few times since Dad died--and I re-thanked her each time. Somehow I still don't think that's enough, so I'll say it again.

Thank You, Mary Ann.

One small gesture from you gave my Dad six months of enjoyment...and gave me seventeen years of comfort.

I'll never be able to repay you for that.

The World Cup

I wrote this for a magazine called "Upbeat Chicago" in 1993. I was very pumped about the World Cup coming to America (in 1994). When it finally arrived, I went to every game I could. (Including the Opening Ceremonies, where Oprah fell through a hole in the stage--that was worth the price of admission.)




A Tale of Two Topics
by Rick Kaempfer


It is the best of times....

It's time to come out of the closet. I'm ready to accept the ridicule. I am a die- hard soccer fan. Now, hold it right there. Some of you have already written me off as some kind of communist or flower-smeller. What follows is for you. I am like you in many ways. I happen to love All-American Apple-Pie sports.

For instance, I can lose myself in the joy of baseball. The leisurely pace of the national pastime is about as perfect as it gets. Whether I'm on my couch, or sitting in the bleachers at Wrigley sucking in the summer air and the summer brew, I'm as happy as a sports fan can be. I check the box scores every morning before I even read the front page. Yes, I admit that some people think it's a boring game. Nevertheless, I'm an unabashed baseball fan.

Just so you don't think I only enjoy so-called "boring games," let me tell you of my love of football. Quite simply, I consider the fall of 1985 to be the best four months of my life. When my friends and I get together the conversation inevitably leads to that eventful fall. We swap our favorite moments until it builds to the crescendo of the Super Bowl half time comments of Pete Axthelm, which we repeat in fever-pitch unison...."It's men against boys!!"

So, when I tell you that I'm a big soccer fan, I'm not just one of those guys that wears dark socks and sandals and speaks with some kind of funny accent.

I know you didn't grow up with soccer. You may have even tried to watch it a few times and found yourself bored to tears. You may tell me that with the Cubs, Sox, Bears, Bulls, and Blackhawks, you really don't have time to add another sport to your repertoire.

But what about your kids? Have you noticed how much they love soccer? More American kids play soccer than baseball or football. If you really take the time the learn the sport, you'll find that many of the very things that attract you to baseball and football will attract you to soccer. Don't be deceived by the low scores. There is much more to a sport than scoring. Besides, a 3-2 soccer game is the same as a 21-14 football game.

Why do I bring this up? Well, this summer something truly special is coming to Chicago, and I fear you may miss it. The World Cup will bring the best soccer on the planet, and it will be taking place right on Lake Shore drive in Soldier Field. If you even have it in your heart to give soccer a chance, this is the time to do it.

National teams against national teams, playing with emotion like you've never seen. If their teams lose, they won't just have an off-season (hear what I'm saying Blackhawks?), they will disappoint an entire nation. Remember the excitement you felt when the US Hockey team beat the USSR. The whole country was watching and rooting for the Good 'Ol USA. The winners become national heroes. The losers kick themselves for a lifetime.

It's hard to top this kind of drama in sports. So, you say you still don't care?
Soccer is still a game played by foreign guys in cute little short pants?

All I ask is that you watch it with an open mind. Observe the passion and majesty of the game that has a tradition as glorious as baseball. Learn the rules and appreciate the tactics. Marvel at the passing, the off-the-ball maneuvering, the graceful athletes performing tasks unimaginable to the average human. America's best athletes may play basketball or football, but in the rest of the world they play soccer. Check them out, you won't be disappointed.

If we support this World Cup we may have another professional league in this country. A league that the youth of America wants to see. The only people stopping that from happening are the "old-school" American sports fans. Don't be governed by your local sports-page. You don't have to listen to them. Make up your own mind. If you watch it with an open mind, and still find it boring...well, then consider me officially off your back.

******************************************************************
It is the worst of crimes....

Tell me if you’ve ever heard this before...”Pretty soon the criminals will be running this country.”

We see stories all the time of criminals getting off on some legal technicality. We see the crime bosses wearing their fancy suits walking out of court free men. We hear about the crooks that live a life of leisure because crime is so easy and profitable.

Of course, this isn’t true at all. There may be a few isolated examples, but the fact of the matter is criminals are not very smart.

They aren’t committing crimes because they have discovered it is far more lucrative than working for a living. They are committing crimes because they are too stupid to work for a living.

I thought I’d share a couple of my favorite examples from 1993.

The glue caper...
In the Brazilian city of Belo Horizonte, a man was robbing a shop on a Saturday morning that he knew was closed for the weekend. During the course of his brilliant money making scheme, he came across a tank of glue.
He had heard stories of people getting high sniffing glue. As he continued to fill his bag with goodies, he kept thinking about that huge tank of glue. Imagine how high he could get with an entire tank of glue! He put his bag down, walked over to the glue, put his head over the tank and inhaled. He got high. So he sniffed some more. He got higher. Unfortunately, in his glue induced stupor, he accidentally knocked over the tank of glue. He was overcome by fumes and collapsed on the floor. Luckily for him, he came to just a few hours later. Unluckily for him, he was glued to the floor. He lay there for thirty-six hours, before firemen cut him loose.

Hey, it doesn’t just happen in foreign countries. Consider the story of the Maryland man I fondly refer to as the Duke of Earl.....

Earl Lathem was one of those smart criminals that escaped from jail. He had it all figured out. He knew that the cops would never think of looking for him at his mother’s house, so that is where he immediately went. He was a little surprised when they showed up on his mother’s front porch just a few hours later. Luckily, Earl had a back-up plan. They asked him what his name was, and he was prepared with an answer. “My name is Earl, uh, Smith,” came the brilliant reply. He knew the cops would leave and look elsewhere after that remarkable retort. Only one thing snagged this intellectual criminal genius. The police asked him to spell his name. He had to admit he had no idea how to spell Smith, and he was immediately taken into custody.

So the next time you hear about the brilliant criminals taking over the world, remember the story of the glue. The next time you hear about the genius criminals taking over the country, remember the story of the Duke of Earl. It sure helps me sleep better at night.

Reviews for "The Radio Producer's Handbook"

Here are some of the kind words about the book from media professionals...



RADIO PERSONALITIES


JOHN RECORDS LANDECKER, Legendary Radio Personality, (WIBG, WLS, CFTR, WJMK, and many other stations.)
"Rick Kaempfer was my executive producer for ten years. I’ve had marriages that didn’t last that long. By the end of our long run together, if Rick wasn’t with me in the studio, the show didn’t feel right to me. His co-author John Swanson is another producer I’ve gotten to know over the years. I’ve worked him on select occasions and I greatly respect his abilities. Just look at their collective resumes. In addition to working with me, the two of them have produced for the biggest radio stars in Chicago over the past twenty years, including Jonathon Brandmeier, Steve Dahl and Garry Meier, Kevin Matthews, Steve Cochran, and Eric and Kathy (John’s current job). If these guys tell you this is how to produce a radio show, this is how to produce a radio show. It’s as simple as that."



ERIC FERGUSON AND KATHY HART, Co-hosts of the Eric and Kathy Show on WTMX-Chicago.
"Rick and John have put together the 'must-have' producer handbook. Any success we've enjoyed can be directly attributable to guidance given in these pages."
--Eric

"A must have for anyone in the business or considering the business."
--Kathy



STEVE COCHRAN, Afternoon host on WGN Radio
"Read, learn, and do what's in this book and you will be prepared to do a great show everyday. You also will be able to take care of any lazy, no-good talent in the biz--not that I know anyone like that."






GARRY MEIER, Legendary radio personality
"Behind every successful radio personality you'll find either a DEA agent, a stalker, or great producer, Rick Kaempfer fulfilled one of those roles very well."





SPIKE MANTON, Radio personality, Playwright, and Comedian
"The first training manual for radio producers from someone who has done the job. Rick Kaempfer is the best producer in America. You can guess how to do the job, or you can read the book.”



DOBIE MAXWELL, Comedian and radio personality
"This book is so dead on and packed with useful information that I think they ought to be made required reading by the FCC for anyone who buys a radio station. It's a great resource to have for anyone who is serious about winning in the radio game."



BOB DEARBORN, Legendary radio personality and programmer
"You're way too modest. This is no mere handbook. This is the Radio Producer's BIBLE! And it's not just for the novice producer. The book is an invaluable read for ANYone in radio who wants a better understanding of what it takes to succeed in today's highly competitive marketplace. Even old dogs like me who've been kickin' around this business for more than 40 years can learn new tricks from this excellent book."


TV & RADIO CRITICS

TED COX, TV & Radio critic, The Daily Herald

"Highly recommended for anyone with an interest in the industry."




ROBERT FEDER, former TV & Radio Critic, The Chicago Sun-Times

"The definitive guide. The perfect primer."





PAIGE WISER, Columnist, The Chicago Sun-Times
"This book proves that there's no such thing as 'easy listening' on the radio -- at least not behind the scenes. But the authors show how this tricky business can be navigated with a minimum of difficulty (and a sense of humor)."



TELEVISION PERSONALITIES

BOB SIROTT, Anchor, WMAQ-TV, Channel 5 in Chicago.
"The complete and definitive manual on how to produce today's radio shows. In fact, radio and TV on-air personalities could learn a thing or two here as well. And I'm giving each of the producers of our television program this book too."


ANDY SHAW, News Reporter WLS-Television, Chicago
"A wonderful book by a couple of well respected Chicago radio producers. I've gotta tell you, it's the most interesting and best written technical manual you're likely to come across. "





OTHER RADIO PRODUCERS, CURRENT AND FORMER


JIM WISER, Executive Producer of the Spike O'Dell Show, WGN Radio
"This is a book that should've been written years ago. It was well worth the wait."


JIMMY "Mac" McINERNEY, Production Director, 105.9 WCKG FM (Former producer of Kevin Matthews & Jonathon Brandmeier)
"After 16 straight years in 'The Biz,' I still actually find the info in the handbook indispensable. Real advice and scenarios from real radio professionals. If you are just entering the radio business, read this book. I teach broadcast students on the side and I make the book required reading. Many have used the information to propel themselves into a full time radio career...And then they recommend the book to their peers! Even if radio is not your desired profession, the stories and situations presented in this book make for interesting reading. A no-nonsense 'Behind the scenes' look at the radio business and a valuable source of education."

TOM SERITELLA, Long-time sports producer and programmer, WLUP, ESPN
"This is a true-to-life book written by a true-to-life producer(s). The ups and downs of producing radio are covered by two producers I'm proud to say taught me the meaning of work ethic, 100% accuracy and tolerance."


TOM SOCHOWSKI, Former producer WJMK, WCKG, ESPN.
"The most comprehensive book about how to become a successful producer in a major radio market. If you follow the advice in the book, success will follow you."





RADIO EXECUTIVES


GREG SOLK, VP of Programming for Bonneville Broadcasting
"Rick Kaempfer and John Swanson are at the top of a very short list of 'difference making' radio producers. In this book they give us the secrets to their considerable success, and it's my hope that it helps a whole new generation of radio producers create the kind of quality radio that Rick and John have been producing for the past twenty years."

DAN KELLY, Operations/Program Director, WMMQ-FM/WJIM-FM, Citadel/Lansing, MI
"I passed the book along to one of my “I’ve been through it all and know it all” morning air talents. After getting a cold stare from him he came back after a few days (just this last week) and thought it was one of the best morning show books ever written – and not only suggested additional copies for the other members of his show – but also copies for every air talent on the station. So this morning, I ordered another ten from Amazon – and when they arrive I’ll pass them out at an airstaff meeting - with the suggestion that if reading this book bores you, you ought to find a new line of work. Thanks for putting a great book together."


KIPPER McGEE, Program Director, WLS-Radio
"To have so much solid, useable info and helpful 'how-to' tips in one handy resource is invaluable. All the great war stories and examples by experience are an added plus. This book should be in every producer's arsenal."


LISA PIOVOSI, Marketing Director
"The Radio Producer's Handbook is fabulous! So informative, interesting, funny and easy to read. The book is of course great for people just starting to embark on their careers in radio, as they will learn a ton from the experience of the authors. But it's also great for those of us in the radio industry as well... I was in radio for five years and was completely entertained with the book.. and even learned some interesting tidbits along the way. A must read!"


LEN O'KELLY, PD/WFGR Radio, Grand Rapids

"I've recommended the book to students I've worked with. It gives a very realistic picture of the radio industry - warts and all. There's valuable insight in it for seasoned pros as well."






OTHERS

RICK'S MOTHER (HILDEGARD) AND SISTER (CINDY), pictured here with Rick and brother Pete.


"I haven't read it."
--Hildegard


"I really should read that some time."
--Cindy





For more information about the Radio Producer's Handbook, there are several links on this page, including one to my publisher, one to the book at amazon, and another to the book at barnes & noble.

Burt Constable Article

Burt Constable is a columnist for the Daily Herald. On May 18, 1999, he wrote the following column about me.



VETERAN CONTEST-KEEPER HITS GOLD ON THE FLIP SIDE

With most contests, veteran radio producer Rick Kaempfer is merely the guy behind the scenes crushing the hopes of listeners vying to be that lucky caller.

"Oldies 104.3, you're caller 6, sorry," the 35-year-old Mt. Prospect man tells the disapointed near misses every weekday in WJMK's $1000 Song of the Day giveaway.

Kaempfer showed up for work at 4:30 a.m. Monday with a new perspective on contests--as a grand prize winner.

"He's an award-winning-writer," gushes on-air personality Catherine Johns, who joins co-host John Records Landecker in telling the world how their show's producer spent the weekend hobnobbing with publishing bigwigs and best-selling authors.

Elmore Leonard, Mary and Chrissy Donnally, Nora Roberts, Lisa Scottoline, Barbara Taylor Bradford, and Maeve Binchy served as judges and selected Kaempfer's story from among more than 4000 entries.

It all began a months ago when Kaempfer, 35, saw a Daily Herald story about Diet Coke's "Living Life to the Fullest" contest.

"For some reason that made me think of my grandfather," says Kaempfer, who used the memory as inspiration for a table about a man who honors important people in his life by adding their names to his own. The story ends with the man dying, and his granson lovingly naming a son after the old man."

Kaempfer's grandfather did die in 1993, and Kaempfer does have a three year old son named Tommy, but "I didn't actually name him after my grandfather because my grandfather's name was Engelbert," Kaempfer notes.

Young Tommy and his one year old brother Johnny got left behind as Kaempfer and his wife Bridget jetted off to New York where they spent the weekend in a $400-a-night room at the Plaza overlooking Central Park.

In addition to talking with writers and publishers about his writing, Kaempfer and his wife dined with authors at the Algonquin Hotel, made famous in the 1920s by Dorothy Parker and other writers of the Algonquin Round Table.

"I had a 14 dollar corned beef sandwich," Kaempfer says, adding, "The authors were really nice."

The couple flew back Sunday night and "I was immediately brought back to earth when I realized it was garbage night."

A graduate of Prospect High School and the University of Illinois, Kaempfer honed his comedy writing skills at Second City, once produced the popular Steve Dahl and Garry Meier radio show, and has been writing comedy routines and wacky parody songs with Landecker for the last six years at WJMK 104.3FM.

"I've always wanted to be a writer," Kaempfer says. "That's my ambition."

While his songs "Viva Viagra" ("Maybe that's not a good example for the Daily Herald") and "Sink the Titantic" ("The movie's too long, he's drinking a Coke, and every scene has water gushing everywhere--you get the picture") won't wow the Nobel Prize folks, Kaempfer now says he has the inspiration to work on a book.

"I just can't tell you how proud I am of him," Johns says. She says everyone at the station is pulling for Kaempfer to make his writing dream come true--up to a point.

"The last thing I want is for him to become a full-time writer and ditch us," Johns says.

Kaempfer's winning story will soon appear on the Diet Coke website as an e-book, and the authors and publishers he met gave him their phone numbers and promised to help his career.

"So now all I have to do is come up with a book idea and write it," Kaempfer says with a laugh. "That's all."


It took me five years, but in 2004, my first book, co-written with John Swanson, "The Radio Producer's Handbook" was published by Allworth Press. In 2007, my first novel "$everance" was published by ENC Press.

For more information about the Diet Coke contest I won (including the original poem that inspired the winning entry), click here: The Man with the World's Longest Name